Getting to know Kitty (a.k.a. reasons to hit the "back" button on your web browser.)

My name is Kitty. No, seriously; it's short for Kathryne. Yes, it's a cool spelling, feel free to use it; my mom was AWESOME.


Formerly (and lets be realistic, I still lurk) I've been a member of Myspace, Livejournal, and DeviantArt. On each of these sites I have posted various different types of journals. Myspace is all about who knows who "IRL" and it's helpful for tracking those pesky friend people who for some reason care if you live or die. Deviantart is (was) a respectable art site where I could post my musings, random essays (you're reading the blog of someone who writes essays for FUN, people) drawings, digital paintings, and photomanipulations. More recently that site has flushed itself down the pooper in a mix of porn, teenage angst and obsessive fandom. (I swear to fuck, if I have to see one more picture of Naruto with a million faves and comments like "Kawaii so desu!" [Translation: "That so cute" in Japanese. That constantly gets screeched by thirteen year old American girls who wouldn't be able to learn a second language if they spent the next sixty years overseas.] I will murder those cute little idiots with broken shards of the Naruto DVDs.)

Livejournal I just post porn stories thinly disguised as "Erotic fiction."


I began following another blogger here a few months ago, and learned about a NEW kind of blog, where the smart, crazy people can basically rant about smart, crazy things and console one another because we live in a world full of idiots. You probably think I'm one of those officious bastards that thinks they're smarter then you and uses big words (like officious) to make you feel less smart.

This is not the case. In fact, I looked officious up in an online dictionary to make sure it was the right word before using it.

The fact is, I love words. I've been writing stories since before I had a grasp of the alphabet, chattering my make-believe tales at my mother endlessly until she sat me down and explained the difference between storytelling and lies. Seriously, I'm 25 and that day stands out in my memory with the kind of clarity that only life changing moments have.

I pride myself on my vocabulary, and enjoy teaching these words to others. I also LOVE learning new ones, so never be afraid to throw an interesting word my way, it'll often become the word of the month. (When I don't get new words, I resort to words like "Douche" for the word of the month. I still can't call someone a douche without giggling in my head... and now you have an idea of my maturity level.)


I am not racist, sexist, or any normal -ist. I have been accused of being a intellectualist (no, that's not a real word, apparently, but it SHOULD be.) I have serious issues with stupid people. I have to put up with them, and I don't see the harm in enjoying it. Seriously, I meet some of the most AMAZINGLY STUPID PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.

I have a BRILLIANT wit, but it's a lazy little bastard and only shows up once a week or so. I normally babble like an idiot, but about once a week I'll make some perfectly timed, earth-shattering comment that drops everyone around me into giggles. I often feel drained afterwards, as my brain goes into cooldown mode to charge up for the next one.

I have some of the most insane, hilarious, messed up friends in the world that I couldn't live without, and so many wonderful conversations have been lost and forgotten because the tradition of oral bookkeeping is no longer an art form. Another reason to add this blog to my list of "Internet crack."

When met in person, I'm the most creepy, blue-eyed, cheerful, bubbly, intelligent and patient person you've ever seen outside a TV show. The fact is, I actually ENJOY customer service (I know, I'm a freak) and I'd work forever in retail if it just paid better. Of course under said bubbly, happy, you-wanna-be-my-bff personality is my darker side. I swear like a truck driver with tourettes syndrom, I'm sarcastic, and I have a smartass comeback for EVERYTHING that has to be bitten back like some foul word-monster trying to use my tongue as a springboard for universal domination. This is not to imply I have a split personality, oh no. I just have two very different outlooks on the world that peacefully coexist in the kind of mental paradox that sent both therapists I had into near-convulsions after three weeks. Really, did you know therapists can choose NOT to have you come to them anymore? I've had it happen TWICE.

When you take my insanity and jack me onto the intercrack, however, both halves form up like some old power rangers episode and suddenly I'm cool as shit. (That may be the intercrack talking.) I can take my inspirations and use them intentionally, rather then as a wit-burp that leaves me with heartburn. I fail miserably at spelling, and if I could meet the inventor of the spellcheck, I'd probably ask for an autograph. I have a gift for wording and description; and a writing style that (usually) engages the reader... in spite of the generally massive ramblings my intercracked-out self is capable of.

Move over people, I think we have the new word of the month.

I play video games with boys a decade to my junior, and kick their ASSES; I write erotic fiction (heh...hehehe...) and spend a great deal of time online ogling attractive geeky boys (I have interesting tastes), boobs (I have an obsession with titties that is somewhere between an 18-year old boy's slack-jawed stares and a hungry baby's demand for FOOD. I can't explain it), and pictures of the Master Chief of Halo fame's bulky Mjolnir suit. I love alcohol, but it doesn't love me anymore, although for gods sake I will nurse a bottle of Blackhaus till I'm passed out in a corner.

Oh, and I take god's name in vain. A LOT. On the list of "reasons I'm going to hell" this is probably pretty far down... although it IS like, one of the commandments... God damn it.

I have opinions on EVERYTHING and like to share them with anyone interested. I tend to gather people to me like a bug-zapper attracts bugs (my analogy is more accurate then you know) and can at any time call upon hordes of indignant, angsty teens to rise up in my defense as my minions. I should start a cult, but we're getting into that "lazy" thing again.

I could go on, but really, that's the basics. If your intention is to troll me, or flame me, really, there's much easier targets. I KNOW that people only do that because the internet gives them courage and anonymity. (OH. MY. GOD. I spelled that right on the first try.) If I met you in real life and you said that shit to me, I'd knock your teeth out with my Blackhaus bottle and wear them around my neck, so really, nothing you say here will phase me. I will, however, laugh at you for hours for making the attempt.

So comment at will, ask questions, tag me with memes if you really want (though I reserve the right to shove said meme up your rainbow hole if I don't feel like doing it.)


If nothing else, you will learn some interesting swear words and turns of phrase, here. Just don't tell mommy where you learned them, or she might take your Intercrack away.